Reasons You Were Sad and/or Lonely on Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day has come and gone. Thank God. Personally, I'm not saying I was sad and/or lonely, but I find the commercialization of love sickening... especially when I have to put out the money. Howevere, single people on college campuses everwhere were definitely asking themselves, "Why me?" Here are few probably hurdles that you should consider leaping over within the next 364 days.

1. You've been letting yourself go.
2. You're a female chemistry, physics, or math major.
3. Your breath smells.
4. No one byt your mother could ever love you.
5. You're a resident advisor... pig.
6. You're a male chemistry, physics, or math major.
7. You don't deserve love.
8. You're too clingy.
9. Your significant other is busy cheating on you with your best friend.
10. It's not you, it's them... (it's really you)
11. You're saving yourself until marriage.
12. You are the kid who plays World of Warcraft in the middle of campus on the weekend.
13. You don't show enough cleavage.
14. You fart in public.
15. Everyone you've met recently was too drunk or high to remember your name.
16. You spend so much time studying, you've forgotten how to interact with human beings.
17. No one wants to get near your runny nose and cough.
18. Everyone knows you've got herpes. (Sorry RiRi)
19. You often forget to shower.
20. Your penis is too small.
21. You don't put out.
22. You're whiny and annoying, and overall a pathetic excuse for a human being.

>KABOOM<

Welcome c0mca5t!

One of my homeboys wanted to get on the debauchery. Which is cool because I got kinda busy. A lot of bitchassness to comment on. We'll get right on it.

>KABOOM<

Pledge of Allegiance (Remix)

I now pledge allegiance to the Flag
Of the United States of Obama,
And to the President for which it stands:
One Nation for Obama under God, indivisible,
With Liberty and Justice for all... finally... we hope.

>KABOOM<

Yung Berg and the YouTube Slapper Phenomenom

So I'm behind on my posts... AGAIN. Between finding out some extra heartbreaking news in my personal life, getting back to school, and drama that picked me up from the airport and followed me to campus, I'm behind. I've gotten a lot of sh*t to air out... complain about, depending on your love/hater status.

Apparently, Ole Berg is still getting his *ss whooped again. This happened like a week and a half ago, but according to illseed and his infamous rumor mill, Berg and Master P's nephew, Young Trump, got into a fight last week. Surprisingly, no one got involved (not even Berg's security HAHA). The match was pretty even until Trump swung and knocked Berg out. Ole Berg's security then pushed Master P's nephew off and the club security broke it all up. It's not up on his myspace now, but Trump had a pic up that depicted a photoshopped Berg with bruises and such with a message, "yung-berg nigga we got yah!!!!!"

Well aren't we creative?

Cannon Ball Note: "Young Trump?" Negro Please.

Second, and more importantly, I think this a sign of worsening conditions in 2009, for both Yung Berg and us all. We have all grown accustomed to the hater and his devious, sometimes infectious, bitchassness. We have also watched and laughed at the beatdowns unfortunate person's experience on YouTube. 2008 was the year of the slapper, where everyone was experiencing this most demeaning types of assault. 2009, however, seems to be the year of the YouTube Slapper, haters who broadcast their "alleged" feats of bitchassness online.

You see the combined might of the disrespect we have left to fester all these years now???

What you got on a WWJD band for nigga?! Jesus don't threaten anyone with beatdowns!

Now, I don't like Sambo Boy, and I will tell anyone who listens or reads my blog (stay tuned). Maybe I'm a hater, or maybe I don't like the type of music he puts out or the image he portrays that convinces people our generation are a bunch of minstrels who appreciates slave masters. I guess it's hate then. BUT, this guy is ridonculous, and a good example of the bs that we are dealing it. Not to mention the grown *ss men who went on YouTube claiming they are the ones who robbed the Sambo and tried to kidnap on of his boys? Isn't that evidence of a felony?!

What's interesting is that, although there might not be footage of the actual slap, beatdown, etc of any superstar, you will most like fine someone taking credit for it. For example, search for Katt Williams getting slapped. Face slapping, chain snatching, home invading and car jacking masked bandits are no longer keeping their *ss in the shadows and behind the bushes. They want credit too, like the actual producers of some of these hit records. Rappers have been taking responsibility for all sorts of niggerdom recently to the relief of those who actually did it, ie, the smart niggas who are AVOIDING prosecution. Now some niggas are actually pretty stupid, and have been prosecuted for their Myspace page and YouTube channel.

The YouTube Slapper can't rap, but is steadily polejocking the most recent and fastest growing Hip-Hop trend since skinny jeans.

Is there anything that we can do about this? I doubt it. I believe this is just the next step in the evolution of hate. Instead of getting an education and become a law-abiding citizen, good father, or President, these young men are interested in leaching and robbing dudes of their success. We can pull the plug on these YouTube Slappers, but it's been happening in real life forever. It's so latent that we don't even notice anymore... have you ever though about how Rico from "Whoop Rico" feels?

Maybe we could dismiss all these YouTube Slappers who fake criminals who want infamy, or future criminals who will need a lawyer. But then we would probably have to dismiss all of our favorite snowman/thug/gangsta/REAL rappers. Yes, we all know that Young Trump (Trump...SMH) will never put out a credible album that will sell, but what about 50 Cent and his bullying? Or the Lil Wayne or Jim Jones and their Blood "affiliations?" Jay-Z hasn't hustled on the street in like 15 years, but he still goes hard like Brooklyn.

How about Maino, who has championed the "I Heart Haters" movement I so readily detest? What can he say, when he's bragging about slapping Ole Berg or beating up Lil Cease.



>KABOOM<

Am I Sprinting?

I'm worried that the actual objective of Cannon Ball Sprint is not being fulfilled. We all know that there are a lot of things that are not said in this world, whether it is between co-workers, friends, people in relationships, politicians and their constituents, etc. It is my belief that these unsaid things are f*cking up the world right now and why hate is a f*cking pandemic that's infecting every generation.

Cannon Ball Sprint was primarily established because I'm an a-hole and I want everyone to smell my sh*t. But, my delusions of grandeur have got me convinced that there is a deeper meaning to all this. That by putting all the crap of the world out there, we are forced to clean it up. By shining a light on haters and exposing the true nature of hate by indulging in it from time to time, we are able to combat and reverse it's devastating effects on the Black community and the WORLD.

Basically, my sh*t can cure such illnesses as HIV, cancer... and hate. Screw Chuck Norris.

But I'm worried that I'm being politically correct. I'm falling prey to... The Unsaid! So many a-hole things I could blog about, and I mentioning gutta Israelis/Palestinians and that people aren't paying to jerk off anymore. Shame on me! I have a responsibility to my followers, my friends, my ego and the friggin WORLD to let it be known.

I rededicate my effort to a full out sprint! I shall carry out a two-front war on running and the Unsaid. Dem nah ready.



>KABOOM<

$1 Million to Redisign New Year's Ball

Didn't Diddy say he was going to cut back on the extravagant spending since we're in a recession? SMH.

In any case, Diddy and Ciroc Ultra Premium Vodka announced an $1 million dollar charity offer for New York City to redesign the iconic New Year’s Eve ball.
As if a 172-ft. tall billboard wasn't enough, the "Bad Boy" wants to further expand his influence in Times Square. One of the most famous, and smelliest, places on Earth.

If approved by New York City, Combs and Ciroc would alter the famous ball’s appearance to resemble the well-known blue stone emblem of Ciroc Vodka. This, in my most personal of opinions, is retarded.

Of the city, I have accepted Diddy as the shameless narcissist that he prides himself on being. The blue stone image of Ciroc traces back to the “pastel” plant that was once native to the Gaillac region of France. The dye produced from the plant was commonly used for painting and clothes during the 15th and 16th centuries.
Its distinctive look eventually made the dye a symbol of wealth in the region, and earned it the phrase “Pays de Cocagne,” meaning “the land of plenty.”

New York City copy anything from the French? God forbid. I'm not hating on the French (too much) but, if anything, it should be shaped like an apple. I actually like Ciroc Vodka, but I love the Big Apple more.

In addition to their New Year’s Eve request, Diddy and Ciroc will soon announce an additional campaign focusing on responsible drinking and partying during the holiday season. Some silver lining.

>KABOOM<

50 Cent Vs. Lil Wayne... Finally

Louisianimal ft. Lil Boosie - Lil Wayne

It has finally started, 50 Cent has to put a record out... I mean, the beef between he and Lil Wayne has ignited. Yay, another war between Black men with money, because they didn't like what each other said about them. While I believe this beef started looong ago (read below), people believe that Fiddy took the first shot when he called Weezy a "whore" for appearing on everyone's records and questioned his sexuality for kissing Baby in that picture years ago.

Those are fighting words for sure.

"The Best Rapper Alive" (smh) didn't want no parts of beef with the G-Unit General. At first he took the whore insult as a compliment, stating that he likes being a whore because it is a man that sleeps with everyone. He would have been more insulted if he was called a ho because they can be taken advantage of. Really? Now I paraphrased that, so I'm sure the actual quote is so much more ignorant.

Later he admitted he just didn't want beef with 50 Cent. It was okay, that gorilla is a career killer. However, the beatdown "Curtis" received at the hands of "Graduation," the loss of Young Buck and the platinum-in-a-week Carter III might have changed the tides.

In any case, " Louisianimal " began making rounds on the internet, as well as appearing on "The Drought is Over Pt. 6" mixtape. In it, Lil Wayne proclaims defiantly, "All about a dolla, f*ck two quarters/B*tch I'll pour syrup in that Vitamin Water/I hope you die ugly, and tonight will be gorgeous."

Although message boards and blogs have claimed the track was old and leaked, 50 did not retaliate, but is now addressing the matter in an interview. "It doesn’t matter if it’s old or not. Now I know how you feel,” said 50. "I'll leave it like it is right now and wait till I'm comfortable and then I’ll do what I do. Think about it, no one from his camp said it was a leak. We could assume it was leak but he's a celebrity. If it was a leak, he would come out and say something."

I’m really not surprised by this. 50 came at Ja Rule and Murder Inc. for “Get Rich or Die Tryin’.” He came at Fat Joe, Jadakiss and NaS for The Massacre. The previously mentioned “Curtissssss” was marketed against Kanye West. Obviously Lil Wayne is his next ploy for “Before I Self Destruct.” HELL, “Power of the Dollar,” his first mixtape, featured “How To Rob,” which came at all the rappers around in 2002. It was Jay-Z’s response to that single that put this nuisance on.

Dammit Hov.

I have to sound off on this one. What actually annoys me is his response on the state of hip-hop, "I wanna bring hip hop back to where you can actually rap and sell records… The format now is to go get T-Pain or go get someone who consistently has radio airplay and hope it translate into sales for you," 50 continued. "Think about it, which average rap artist has a record out and it’s just them. You gotta respect Kanye for that; he's the only one who made his own record. He made an R&B record but it was still his own record."

This man is talking about music for the sake of sales? The entire premise of his career is based on how much he has sold and not how much he has influenced. Hip-hop is true to the art form and the message (however diluted from the artist’s real life). This man still does not understand that Jay-Z will always be more important to hip-hop AND New York City no matter how many albums he sells worldwide or how big his share of Vitamin Water is.

Also, 50 Cent is one of the main reasons that guys are collaborating with R&B artists. Actually… Ja Rule is the biggest… but ole Fiddy made it cool again. Hello? “21 Questions ft. Nate Dogg,” “Candy Shop ft. Olivia,” “Best Friend ft. Olivia,” “Ayo Technology ft. Timbaland and Justin Timberlake,” “Follow My Lead ft. Robin Thicke.” Those are just his: forget the sob stories by out G-Unit members and the R&B singles he’s featured on.

Asked if he would be experimenting on “Before I Self Destruct” like Kanye West did on “808's & Heartbreak,” 50 replied: "It's an experiment because it's me seeing whether I can go back to the original format and bring the art form back. I’m sure next year my camp is gonna be influencing a lot because they are gonna see all three of us come out next year. Me, Em and Dre."

I hope he self destructs before the album comes out. Or at least bricks afterward.

>KABOOM<

The Man Rules

I recently received an email from an elder of an organization I'm apart of here at my college. Forgive me if you don't get the elder part; we typically call them old heads, but in a effort to be more "respectful," we try to use better titles.

Anyway, this email was entitled "The Man Rules." I didn't read these rules before starting this post. This might end up being a dud, which would suck because I just started this blog. However, seeing as how I am a "man," I have an idea that these rules are going to be good. And since they are for "women," this post better be going to be good.

Since men are men and women are women, I feel the need to elaborate on these rules. Lay them out and nice for not the weaker gender, but the more illogical one. The rules will be in quotation marks, my posts will be in parenthesis. I hope I don't have to lay that one out too...

"At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys' side of the story. We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!"

((Women continue to complain about equal rights, but then assert that men must be understanding of their needs and accommodate them as a gentleman should. These rules do not refute the rules of a woman, however ludicrous they may be. They just ask for the same damn courtesy. And they are all number one because they are all important. Doing one is as important and appreciated as doing another. And if you don't do one, we'll liable to catch a fit like you all would and do.))

1. Men are NOT mind readers.
((Tell us how you feel. Let us know if you're pissed. Hell, let us know when you're happy! Far too often women will let things brew and torment them until they can't take it anymore... and then they take it out on men. Just tell the man, give him the opportunity to defend himself, or to make up for it.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
((Quite frankly, we don't need it up: we can use the seat for the toilet if we wanted to. I personally don't like touching a seat that my butt has been on, let alone someone else's. You're grown, you shouldn't have to go so badly at you dive a** first on a toilet. If you're calm enough to see the seat is up, put it down. If you have problem with touching the seat too (you hypocrite), use that foot and keep it moving.

1. Sunday sports : It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
((It's on Sunday: the Lord's day. If GOD is okay with it, you shouldn't be complaining. If you need a better reason, repent now.))

1. Crying is blackmail.
((Crying *should* be punishable by law. In any case, there is a natural law called karma, and it hands out punishment for this offense in the form of infants. Why do you think men can sleep soundly and you're getting up at night? Uh huh, get that milk ready.))

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
((Allow me to reiterate my first point again: say it. A hint is a hint: no matter how obvious it is, it's still evil. Trust me, you'll be less aggravated with a no, than us pretending to not know what you're talking about. Yes I admit it, we do get the hints sometimes, but since you won't ask we won't answer.))

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
((Yes, I am offering explanations now. But don't get it twisted, I'm doing you a favor. You're not entitled to an explanation or background information, primarily because they aren't necessary. There aren't shades of gray, life is black and white and yes and no are their symbols. It is a simple and logical concept.))

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
((If you have gotten into some kind of argument with a coworker/girlfriend/etc then understand what you did wrong on your part. If you don't, understand we will help you do so. Honestly ask yourself do you want your way or the right way. No, they aren't always the same thing.))

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
((It's a brutal truth to swallow: your memory is useless with a man. I don't even know where that 7 day expiration date came from: what matters is what leaves his mouth at that moment. You can tell him what he promised an hour ago, but don't kid yourself, you'll either sit there waiting or receive something subpar. Times moves quickly and men have learn to adapt to the changing times, if you do so as well you'll feel sooo much better.))

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
((You have to learn to be honest with yourself and your worst critic. It doesn't matter if you have a hyperactive thyroid gland or your big-boned or you were pregnant a few years ago, you're big... large... rotund... [insert fat adjective here]. Does it really matter? You have a man that loves you and your love handles. If he can look past them, why can't you?))

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
((Unfortunately men have been neutered and stripped of their masculinity to accommodate women and our need for sex. Ironic, isn't it? In any case, we don't want you to be mad at us and strip us of your love, affection, and body... and cooking... and cleaning. We mean well, always, and don't you forget it. Mwah.))

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. And if you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
((If a woman comes to man to assemble something, do not stand over them and direct them. Feel free to handle it yourself. If you cannot handle it yourself, then you cannot speak. Come on, it's just a simple courtesy, we're not getting paid for this, and house work and sex work don't count.))

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
((We don't talk to you at all during Oprah or soap operas, so limit what you have to say to breaks. Nothing is so pressing that you have to interrupt the game. If you can remember something from 6 months ago, surely you can remember something from 4th and Goal.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
((Every great explorer was a man, from Columbus to Neil Armstrong. You might argue women can do navigate just a well. I would offer Emelia Earhert's airplane to the contrary, but we can't find it. Stick to the passenger seat and point out the next exit.))

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
((If you can't find a car or skittle in the color you speak of, it doesn't exist.))

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
((You do too, don't front. The only difference between women and men on this point is that women look around before they start digging for gold. Forgive us men for being comfortable with ourselves, even in public settings.))

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
((It's not that we don't understand you, it's that we want to get to the point. We're not inconsiderate, you are. And you are a liar. You know something is wrong but you want men to spend precious time trying to find out when we could be looking at television or breathing. Say it. Say it. Say it!))

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
((While I won't understand why you do it to yourself, I would like to know why you subject men to this torment. You know why human beings think, because you can get away with thinking stupid things. Don't subject us to some idiocy, then look at us like we're dumb when call you out on it.))

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.
((You want to know what men care about? Time. Especially as more of it goes by with every outfit you try on. Make a deal with your man, spend 8 hours picking out an outfit prior to the last hour to get to the engagement. And stick with it. Don't find something wrong right be for you leave, or you shall be left.))

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as cricket, rugby, or football, or golf, or sex.
((You have been given the options for conversation, there is no "other."))

1. You have enough clothes.
((I like to think I have a lot of clothes, but I must say I was appalled at the amount of clothes that women could have... cocktail, evening, cosmopolitan, casual, Sunday, exercise, formal, lunch, brunch... only one matters to men: natural.))

1. You have too many shoes.
((So do I, so I'm not mad at you. I don't have different shades of the same color however. I don't have these different shades in different fabrics. I don't have the fabrics on different inches. Are you catching my drift, or are you still going shopping?))

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
((Nobody is talking about the cute little shapes your pockets of fat form into, leave our beer bellies and double chins alone. Love us for who we are and we'll do the same. You think a guy who is in shape will fall head over heels like we do? We discovered the secret, your hips break our fall.))

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
((Couches don't take the all the covers. Couches don't snore. Yes, you probably do. If your man must be a martyr to get this point across, then at least one woman has been converted.))

Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh. Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh.
((This statement shows how sad things really are. You laugh at the rules because you know you will never be obligated to abide by them. I hope I have snatched what ever joy you might have gotten from this list. I hope you know I still think you're all gorgeous and lovely too. Mwah.))

>KABOOM<