Reasons You Were Sad and/or Lonely on Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day has come and gone. Thank God. Personally, I'm not saying I was sad and/or lonely, but I find the commercialization of love sickening... especially when I have to put out the money. Howevere, single people on college campuses everwhere were definitely asking themselves, "Why me?" Here are few probably hurdles that you should consider leaping over within the next 364 days.

1. You've been letting yourself go.
2. You're a female chemistry, physics, or math major.
3. Your breath smells.
4. No one byt your mother could ever love you.
5. You're a resident advisor... pig.
6. You're a male chemistry, physics, or math major.
7. You don't deserve love.
8. You're too clingy.
9. Your significant other is busy cheating on you with your best friend.
10. It's not you, it's them... (it's really you)
11. You're saving yourself until marriage.
12. You are the kid who plays World of Warcraft in the middle of campus on the weekend.
13. You don't show enough cleavage.
14. You fart in public.
15. Everyone you've met recently was too drunk or high to remember your name.
16. You spend so much time studying, you've forgotten how to interact with human beings.
17. No one wants to get near your runny nose and cough.
18. Everyone knows you've got herpes. (Sorry RiRi)
19. You often forget to shower.
20. Your penis is too small.
21. You don't put out.
22. You're whiny and annoying, and overall a pathetic excuse for a human being.

>KABOOM<

Pledge of Allegiance (Remix)

I now pledge allegiance to the Flag
Of the United States of Obama,
And to the President for which it stands:
One Nation for Obama under God, indivisible,
With Liberty and Justice for all... finally... we hope.

>KABOOM<

A Day in History

Or, One A-hole's Take on a Day in History

Tuesday, January 20, 2009. LITERALLY the start of a new chapter in history. If you weren't there, you were watching. If you weren't watching, you're more pitiful than terrorist, because I guarantee Osama found a tv in his cave to watch the "house negro of America."

Unfortunately I didn't skip class like the patriotic nigga I should have, so I came at the start of the ceremony. I did see the First family walk in. The girls were cute as usual, although the oldest one was that awkward bowlegged walk like her momma. Prez knew that it was cold, negro should have had a hat on! Tryna front... I would have been up there with my hat, dog ears down!



Did anyone else feel like Rev. Rick Warren's prayer was more of a political statement? I wasn't feelin the way Rev. Warren said the girls' names. I figure dude knew he was dealing with ethnic names, so he was just going to attack them like the devil. SASHA... and MALIA.

I can't mess with Aretha Franklin. Not the queen. Maybe her church hat... but not her.

Vice President Joe Biden is cool. I bet he's not going to be talking sh*t about Barack anymore though. A administration of rivals turned pole jockers? I doubt it, but everyone is going to be giving homeboy his proper respect.



That John Williams piece was tight! I hope it's on iTunes. That cellist was looking at the violinist like they were battling. The violinist focused like he wasn't even worth it LOL. I loved how SASHA was cuttin up on the violinist though, that lil diva. Cut up any more and I'm sure Michelle will be giving those Executive *ss Whoopings.



Chief Justice John G. Roberts is a hater and I know he screwed up the oath on purpose! Prez tried to save face, but he had already jumped the gun. Or was that another f*ck up for his honor?!

We must note however, that Obama was President as of 12 noon according to the law established by the Constitution. He took the oath around 12:30. Does anyone else recognize the onset of... CP TIME? I hope this isn't a habit for our first Black President.

Prez got in that *ss. People were talking about how this wasn't a speech for the ages. It wouldn't resonate like his race speech or his speech on Election night. I think it wasn't the time for rhetoric. It was a sound off on the things that plague America's people, her safety, and her values. He told it like it is and what it should be, not feel good sh*t like how it could be. He challenge those terrorists and rogue states without alienating the people they "represented," so much better than "bring it on" or "dead or alive."

I messes with it. Feel me?

The poet was strange to me. Maya Angelou would have been my only choice. If she can do a Tyler Perry film she can definitely spare time for the Inauguration. But oh well.



The Reverend Dr. Joseph E. Lowery was funny. Even though he co-founded the SCLC with MLK, I don't think he gets as many props because he's still alive. If he was assassinated, maybe we'd be enjoying a holiday in his honor too. His prayer was tight, though I'm sure some white people didn't think his "white finally believe what's right" comment was nice.



YO, the Prez's limo is a Cadillac Escalade with 36 inch rims! I guess I check a see "the Beast," the Secret Service nickname for the limo, all the time in the hood. I didn't get those agents walking beside the limo. If it's built like a tank then it can take most explosions, right? They can't. And even if someone were to just try, those guys are still SOL.

I feel bad for Senators Ted Kennedy and John Byrd, but seriously, could we just get like small updates on their condition. This is the President's Inauguration celebration, stay focused.

Why the hell was CNN so fascinated with the fact that the Obamas had rhythm? I am not going to get on their *sses for their obsession with what Michelle and the girls were wearing, I'd like to think it was more about them being young than they being Black. Those commentators were treating them like they were in a zoo though, gawking at every little thing they did.

And why were they so caught up in the fact that the President and First Lady would be out until 3 in the morning or so. Do they not realize that the Obamas are from Chi-town? They are not homebodies like them old men before them, they are young (enough) and hip.

And apparently Black, because they were running late AGAIN.

CNN didn't want to say the real reason why past presidents didn't connect with the majority Black DC area, but Black people know why this Black president can shout them out the Neighborhood Ball. Black people will also not be surprised if the next president suddenly drops the ball.



Michelle Obama was looking good. Big ups to Prez for shouting her out, Black men need to know how to treat their Black women. If I was Barack, Secret Service would have been on extra call, because I would have been hopping into the crowd fighting any nigga that whistled at her.

MALIA and SASHA better have had their butts in bed. I know they had school today! My 2 lil sisters are the same age, just as big divas too...

BTW, work the next morning at 7:45 AM? Not for this nigga.

>KABOOM<

20 Questions (February 2009)

So I'm a little early with the 20 questions, seeing as how it's January 11 and this is the February issue.

Sue me.

I'm a little excited about this issue however. My favorite artist (f*ck rapper or producer, despite what the cover says) is featured, Kanye West! I sound madd excited by I'm not... my heart was broken... 4 or 5 hours before I posted this blog, and I related to 808s & Heartbreak way more than I did 6 or 7 hours before. More on that later.

But I digress... 20 Questions! I think they're pretty lame btw, but hopefully I won't be as bad.

1. How many people have already broken their New Year's resolution?
Ha! You have to had MADE a New Year's resolution to break it!

2. Did T-Pain really call someone a copycat?
Yep. And I think he meant it.

3. If Chris Brown and Rihanna's matching tatts don't make things official, what will?
He calms his cheating *ss down and actually stay faithful. But you didn't hear that from me.

4. Plaxico Burress: When keeping it real goes wrong?
I'm gonna be real: If the Giants don't WIN the Super Bowl, I'll shoot him.

5. Aren't you secretly hoping the Obamas pick a Rottweiler as their White House dog?
As much as I had hoped Al Sharpton or Jesse Jackson would pray at Barack's Inauguration.

6. Why do we keep hearing that all of Jodeci is getting back together?
Yall keep listening for some reason. A better question is, why do you care?

7. What happened to Christina Milian's singing career?
Same thing that happened to her acting career.

8. Isn't Ripley's portrait of Eminem (made from M&M's) brilliant?
Eminem portait of M&M's, fitting and delicious.

9. When did Law & Order and CSI turn into resume builders for rappers- turned- actors?
Somewhere between Ice-T and Ludacris.

10. Are you sipping NUVO yet?
No, that sounds dirty, like Nuva Ring.

11. Can rappers please, please, please, (pretty) please stop creating clothing lines? (No, not Clipse, too!)
Yeah this is pitiful. It's not even like it's high scale like Pharrell's Billionaire Boy's Club or urban chic like Sean John and Rocawear, it's Wal-Mart brands like Master P's crap.

12. Are people done pretending Beyonce's new album is better than Solange's?
Are we going to start pretending that it actually matters if Solange's was better?

13. After Dedication 3, is Lil Wayne the "Best Skitmaker Alive," too?
Don't go there. I don't care if you got navigation don't go THERE! I love a b*tch with glasses too, Weezy!

14. Shouldn't 50 collect and endorsement check for suing Taco Bell?
After losing those few million dollars to the recession, he can use the money.

15. Don't you wish more artists were like Kanye and pushed their album release dates up instead of back?
I wish more artists were like Kanye and put out good music.

16. And who do we have to holler at to cop a pair of Air Yeezy's?
I thought you didn't care for any rapper's clothing line... hypocrite!

17. Won't it be cool to see The Roots as the house band for Jimmy Fallon's late-night show?
Who the f*ck is Jammy Fallon?

18. Is Black History Month still relevant?
Why do we need the shortest month in the year when we have the highest office in the land now? BI-YOTCH!

19. Why doesn't Carmelo Anthony talk to Allen Iverson about those tired braids?
If he doesn't get it by now, he just ain't gettin it.

20. Shouldn't Jim Jones and Juelz Santana be pouring champagne on the girls in the "Pop Champagne" video instead on each other?
In the words of Dipset, "No homo."

>KABOOM<

Am I Sprinting?

I'm worried that the actual objective of Cannon Ball Sprint is not being fulfilled. We all know that there are a lot of things that are not said in this world, whether it is between co-workers, friends, people in relationships, politicians and their constituents, etc. It is my belief that these unsaid things are f*cking up the world right now and why hate is a f*cking pandemic that's infecting every generation.

Cannon Ball Sprint was primarily established because I'm an a-hole and I want everyone to smell my sh*t. But, my delusions of grandeur have got me convinced that there is a deeper meaning to all this. That by putting all the crap of the world out there, we are forced to clean it up. By shining a light on haters and exposing the true nature of hate by indulging in it from time to time, we are able to combat and reverse it's devastating effects on the Black community and the WORLD.

Basically, my sh*t can cure such illnesses as HIV, cancer... and hate. Screw Chuck Norris.

But I'm worried that I'm being politically correct. I'm falling prey to... The Unsaid! So many a-hole things I could blog about, and I mentioning gutta Israelis/Palestinians and that people aren't paying to jerk off anymore. Shame on me! I have a responsibility to my followers, my friends, my ego and the friggin WORLD to let it be known.

I rededicate my effort to a full out sprint! I shall carry out a two-front war on running and the Unsaid. Dem nah ready.



>KABOOM<

20 Answers (January 2009)

I read Vibe Magazine... Surprise! Seriously, I consider Vibe a genuine journalistic approach to hip-hop. XXL has a bunch of interviews, with all the ignorant things rappers say preserved (and they are on 50's jock way too often). The Source looks like a friggin tabloid now and it's impossible to take serious... er, read. I don't consider Ozone a legitimate piece of reading material (and your awards suck too!). Lastly, KING is good for one thing (and tissue for the clean up).

On the last page of Vibe, they have 20 Questions, in which they ponder some issues that had occured during the time of the issue. Some of the questions are funny as hell, but not as funny as some answers that people have given in the past. I figured I'd take a crack at them every time an issue comes out.

1. Who is Lil Wayne's new baby mama?
Someone with a coke habit or really bad eyesight. Or both.

2. Rich Boy, where's your album?
On the shelf, Interscope can't afford buying a million copies of his next brick.

3. Why do Diddy's Making The Band finales always end on a bad note?
Because it's Bad Boy? Or because you can't apply autotune to a tv show like Diddy uses it on his records.

4. Do you really need a Nelly/Akon/T-Pain/Pharrell supergroup in your life?
Only if the cd comes with a complimentary dose of Ritalin to get through it.

5. Can you call a tour No Limit Reunion without Master P, Silkk The Shocker, and Mystikal?
There is no limit to the amount of jokes that travesty would be.

6. Shouldn't Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears stop acting like they don't want to collaborate?
They should get over the whole "Cry Me A River" issue and take it back to the Mickey Mouse club!

7. Are Dwayne Wade and Gabrielle Union officially an item?
Not if Wade knows what's good for him. I'll end your career!

8. After admitting he was a correctional officer, doesn't Rick Ross look silly boasting about "gettin rich" off cocaine?
He lied about making an honest living. Hm. It's deeper than a rap...

9. When D'Angelo makes his inevitable comback, are all Maxwell's fawning fans going to turn on him?
I'm sorry, but I really couldn't give two sh*ts about either one of these dudes. I thought D'Angelo was fat and in jail anyway.

10. Did the cost of the A-Rod/Kobe/Tony Hawk/Michael Phelps commercial for Guitar Hero World Tour kill the profits from the game?
Most likely, but it's still an almost uber-cool commercial (get rid of Kobe, the camera hog lol).

11. Wouldn't Soulja Boy AKA Sambo Boy make a killing as a full-time choreographer?
He'd make even more as a full-time minstrel.

12. Do you believe Ne-Yo lost his virginity at age 9?
Yes, and I'm sure he was a lucky dude... lol...

13. Do you believe in Santa Claus, too?
YEAH, and that b*tch *ss n*gga is gonna pay what he owe! All I wanted was some rims, not even the whole car!

14. Wasn't it a really good idea for Diddy to buy Enyce?
No, it was a really Bad one... duh.

15. Memo to Webbie, Lil Boosie, and Lyfe Jennings: Didn't you learn anything from the O.J. Simpson chase? (Hint: The police can drive fast, too!)
And they always get their man. See you in 9 years, O!

16. Doesn't Gravy sound more like Shyne doing B.I.G. than B.I.G. doing B.I.G. in Notorious?
At least B.I.G. and Tupac are dead, may they rest in peace. How do the living people feel about being imitated in this movie?

17. Don't you feel bad for making all those Isiah Thomas jokes now?
Nope. Throwing his own daughter under the bus... SMH. He need to take his *ss to bed again.

18. How long before MTV turns Hoodfab into a real game show?
Barack needs to order a hit on whichever producer is bold enough to try that bs.

19. Are guys out there still sour over Beyonce's "If I Were A Boy?"
Nah, I'm good. In fact, I'm more upset with R. Kelly's response... making us look even worse. Piss off!

20. Yung Berg: Huh?!?!
That boy been slapped so many times this year and still doesn't have any common sense.

>KABOOM<

iCannonBall, iSprint

I like this, bigups to Twitter for being unable to fit CannonBallSprint on one line. I love Apple iPod and the whole iRep movement. While I hate Soulja Boy AKA Sambo Boy, I'll rock with this. Now just iCannonBall, but uSprint with me? Lame... but it's my blog and I'll do what I wanna. Go kick rocks, but visit next time for more updates.

>KABOOM<

Sprinting > Running

I hereby declare war on running. I will belittle such a pitiful act and expose its inferiority to sprinting. For my name to be associated with this weak action is insulting. I'm not the only one who thinks run is a crock either! Just visit dictionary.com!

run - [ruhn] - (verb) to go quickly by moving the legs more rapidly than at a walk and in such a manner that for an instant in each step all or both feet are off the ground. SMH
2. to move with haste; act quickly: Run and get my dinner b*tch.
3. to depart quickly; take to flight; flee or escape: To run from this *ss whupping.
4. to have recourse for aid, support, comfort, etc.: He shouldn't run to his mama with every little problem.
5. to make a quick trip or informal visit for a short stay at a place: to run up to your probation officer.
6. to go around, rove, or ramble without restraint: to run about in the park like a sissy.
7. to move, roll, or progress from momentum or from being hurled, kicked, or otherwise propelled: The lame was ran off the road.
8. Sports... who actually runs in sports?
9. to be or campaign as a candidate for election... much like McCain/Palin
10. to flow forth as a discharge... ew.

10 definitions expressing how WEAK running is.

sprint - [sprint] – (verb) to race or move at full speed

1 definition to define the degree of intensity necessary to sprint. You go hard or you can run your *ss home.

Cannon Ball DON'T Run. Cannon Ball Sprint. Beyotch.

>KABOOM<

Why Cannon Ball Sprint?

I'm Cannon Ball because I'm a big shot. Duh. Not just because I am in my own mind... I'm the shot... the ONLY shot in my mind. It just so happens that I have a reasonable amount of influence within my family, circle of friends, and university. I also have some fairly unique opinions that make people gasp, laugh, think and sometimes tear up. Maybe my friends are teaching me a lesson by convincing me that people will actually be interested in what I have to say, when I'm just a jerk with a Napoleon complex.

We'll see won't we?

So... the meaning of Cannon Ball Sprint... It's obviously influenced by the nickname. Cannon Ball Run was taken, and now that I have sprint, seems like the better choice ANYWAY. It describes the race of ideas I run through... excuse me... sprint through in the span of seconds to formulate some a-hole or insightful thing to piss off or impress the people I interact with. It's about time I expand on these things to see if I get the same reactions on the web.

I had a blog called Musings of a Lovable A-Hole, but I deleted that. It's the same premise, but the delivery was all wrong. Well, it wasn't much of a blog since I didn't really post anything... so I guess I can't have any qualms with the delivery. Since I'm on winter break from the hell that is college, I figured I'd give it another try.

Join me. Please? It's awful running... sprinting alone. And it would really upset my friends. The hating a** little shots that they are.

>KABOOM<