20 Answers (January 2009)

I read Vibe Magazine... Surprise! Seriously, I consider Vibe a genuine journalistic approach to hip-hop. XXL has a bunch of interviews, with all the ignorant things rappers say preserved (and they are on 50's jock way too often). The Source looks like a friggin tabloid now and it's impossible to take serious... er, read. I don't consider Ozone a legitimate piece of reading material (and your awards suck too!). Lastly, KING is good for one thing (and tissue for the clean up).

On the last page of Vibe, they have 20 Questions, in which they ponder some issues that had occured during the time of the issue. Some of the questions are funny as hell, but not as funny as some answers that people have given in the past. I figured I'd take a crack at them every time an issue comes out.

1. Who is Lil Wayne's new baby mama?
Someone with a coke habit or really bad eyesight. Or both.

2. Rich Boy, where's your album?
On the shelf, Interscope can't afford buying a million copies of his next brick.

3. Why do Diddy's Making The Band finales always end on a bad note?
Because it's Bad Boy? Or because you can't apply autotune to a tv show like Diddy uses it on his records.

4. Do you really need a Nelly/Akon/T-Pain/Pharrell supergroup in your life?
Only if the cd comes with a complimentary dose of Ritalin to get through it.

5. Can you call a tour No Limit Reunion without Master P, Silkk The Shocker, and Mystikal?
There is no limit to the amount of jokes that travesty would be.

6. Shouldn't Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears stop acting like they don't want to collaborate?
They should get over the whole "Cry Me A River" issue and take it back to the Mickey Mouse club!

7. Are Dwayne Wade and Gabrielle Union officially an item?
Not if Wade knows what's good for him. I'll end your career!

8. After admitting he was a correctional officer, doesn't Rick Ross look silly boasting about "gettin rich" off cocaine?
He lied about making an honest living. Hm. It's deeper than a rap...

9. When D'Angelo makes his inevitable comback, are all Maxwell's fawning fans going to turn on him?
I'm sorry, but I really couldn't give two sh*ts about either one of these dudes. I thought D'Angelo was fat and in jail anyway.

10. Did the cost of the A-Rod/Kobe/Tony Hawk/Michael Phelps commercial for Guitar Hero World Tour kill the profits from the game?
Most likely, but it's still an almost uber-cool commercial (get rid of Kobe, the camera hog lol).

11. Wouldn't Soulja Boy AKA Sambo Boy make a killing as a full-time choreographer?
He'd make even more as a full-time minstrel.

12. Do you believe Ne-Yo lost his virginity at age 9?
Yes, and I'm sure he was a lucky dude... lol...

13. Do you believe in Santa Claus, too?
YEAH, and that b*tch *ss n*gga is gonna pay what he owe! All I wanted was some rims, not even the whole car!

14. Wasn't it a really good idea for Diddy to buy Enyce?
No, it was a really Bad one... duh.

15. Memo to Webbie, Lil Boosie, and Lyfe Jennings: Didn't you learn anything from the O.J. Simpson chase? (Hint: The police can drive fast, too!)
And they always get their man. See you in 9 years, O!

16. Doesn't Gravy sound more like Shyne doing B.I.G. than B.I.G. doing B.I.G. in Notorious?
At least B.I.G. and Tupac are dead, may they rest in peace. How do the living people feel about being imitated in this movie?

17. Don't you feel bad for making all those Isiah Thomas jokes now?
Nope. Throwing his own daughter under the bus... SMH. He need to take his *ss to bed again.

18. How long before MTV turns Hoodfab into a real game show?
Barack needs to order a hit on whichever producer is bold enough to try that bs.

19. Are guys out there still sour over Beyonce's "If I Were A Boy?"
Nah, I'm good. In fact, I'm more upset with R. Kelly's response... making us look even worse. Piss off!

20. Yung Berg: Huh?!?!
That boy been slapped so many times this year and still doesn't have any common sense.

>KABOOM<